Sorry For Everything.. After All Just Sorry?

Ang arte!!

Ano gusto mo? Make Up Sex? Maging kayo?

Ang cheap mo! Promise! You open you legs to another just for a whim na walang kasiguraduhan. 

I am the victim, not you!

It is Your Choice

Finding Your Perfect Pair

Yesterday I watched a Jollibee mini series titled "Perfect Pair". "Perfect Pair" is a sequel to the mini series aired last February 2017 "Vow".

The story is about the guy from the "Vow" finally found his perfect pair through his first best friend, a college buddy and the person who truly puts "best" in "best friend".

This mini series highlights the unrequited love shown by his "perfect pair" as she witnessed him falling in love with another girl, who eventually tied a knot with another man.

My parents has always taught me the value of waiting. When I was still in school, most of my friends already have boyfriends. It is not because someone was not interested in me but because I figured that it is not the right time for me to have boyfriends. There were instances that I was so ready to bite the bullet. There was this guy that that make me take a second look. We had the same cultures as he came from a Chinese Family (surname "Teo"), he is good looking, and he already arranged a meeting for me to meet his family while I was still at school. However, I had always treated him as a big brother (he was my friend cousin by the way and he was five years my senior). He would always visit me at school, to my embarrassment. He would also drop by the house to help me with my school work especially, Science. I got top mark in Physics! He was my first crush. And every girl's dream of a guy. Sadly, in the middle of my senior year, he together with his family moved to Switzerland. Before he go he gave me proposal to be his girlfriend. He would visit as often as he could if I would just consent to be his girlfriend. I said no. And we parted way. I received Valentine's and Christmas Card every year until I began dating my fiance. We lost communication.

He came home from Switzerland last June 2017 to visit me because he learned from a friend that I have relationship woes. We kept in touch once again through email and I even received flowers from him on Valentine's Day. But I have NEVER encourage this kind of courtship. I repeatedly told him through emails and messages that my fiance and I are going through some rough spots but we are working it out. Still he was persistent. So I have to leave house every time he will go visit.

Meanwhile, I was very confused. I was tempted to accept whatever it is he is offering just to experience new love once again. I was tempted to leave my fiance so that I can start living my life without him in it. But, my fiance was asking for one more chance. And out of respect for him and my fiance I told the former that I still love my fiance. And I thank him for coming home because I was not okay. And I also thank him for loving me. And we parted once again. He is set to return at the end of July. He leave with me a ring and his unrequited love. I learned that unrequited love is loving without conditions. I learned that unrequited is waiting even if you are waiting in vain.

Minsan pala, kung maghihintay ka lang. The perfect one for you will come also. (Sometimes, if you just wait. The perfect one for you will come also.)

This message is not only for those whose love is enduring. But also to those "other woman". Learn how to wait for the one for you rather than disrespect yourself and others by having an affair or sex with a taken man. Because if you didn't know how to wait for the love then you don't deserve to be waited on.

Of Being Confident

I received a comment from one of my post by Anonymous.

Anonymous29 June 2017 at 05:35

Why use social media to air out what's inside you? If you really are that person who is confident and was raised the "right way" by your parents then you will go directly to that person rather than doing these stuffs. Is this how thet raised you?? Never question someone else's mother because you don't know ANYTHING on how a person was raised not unless it was you.

Stop pointing finger as three other are poiting at you.

ReplyDelete

She was reprimanding me as to why I was airing what I felt in social medias. It is not the question of being confident.

And I never point finger. I point all my ten fingers and ten toes. As I have been directly affected by the situation. 

I went to a counselor few weeks ago, and I bring with me all the materials (her messages, my fiance's messages, her ex-boyfriend messages, her Facebook posts, her Instagram posts, her ex-boyfriend Instagram posts. Even the pictures. Even my medical certificate.

What happened to me is a nightmare! True, my fiance admitted that he became close with a certain woman but he told me that never once in his mind that he dreamed that he wants to be with her. He became closed to her because he felt lonely and wants somebody to talk to. He didn't tell me this before because he doesn't want to worry me. This I understand. And I accept. 

What I can't accept is that the woman has the GALL to post pictures of my fiance on her Instagram account and stories when my fiance didn't publicly acknowledge her.

From what I gleaned while talking to various people residing in Canada (I have messages of this conversations), is that she has a friendly and sweet tone in her voice. But two particular person (not my fiance) told me that they knew for instance that the woman has a manipulative behavior.

To the woman who has been emotionally and mentally tortured by the sidechicks. This is my advice to you.

Do not give up. If your boyfriend, fiance, or husband tells you they love you. And beg you to never gave them up. Then don't. Hold on to what you believe was yours.

Those women can make advances all they want but in the end your man won't choose them because they were the kind of women that are easy.

Assuming and Manipulating

This WOMAN has no right to ask my fiance about his international calls. The nerve! Kapal ng mukha. FYI He message my mother and his father

Dummy account that was sent to me (preferably done by the WOMAN)

The Case of He Said, She Said

Upringing and Moral Decency

Different Types of Mate Poaching, Which One Are You?

In the immortal words of Avril Lavigne: “Hey hey, you you, I don't like your girlfriend / No way, no way, I think you need a new one / Hey hey, you you, I could be your girlfriend...”

Do I need to apologize for subjecting you to that? I almost feel as if I do. But it serves my point, I swear. Let’s say that the song was not titled “Girlfriend,” but instead was called “Mate Poaching.” Admittedly, it doesn’t really have the same ring to it, but that is essentially what she’s talking about.

Most women would probably admit that at some point in their life, they have been attracted to someone who is already in a relationship, but they would never think of trying to do anything to lure the man away from his mate.  However, for some women, they only seek out committed men to have a relationship with.

Mate Poaching is a term coined by David Buss several years ago in his book entitled “Evolution of Desire” that defines the behavior of men and women who purposely seek out people in a committed relationship.

A study published in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology by Oklahoma State University found that 90% of single women said they would pursue the man knowing he was not single.

Why do women Mate Poach?  There are several perceived benefits such as the excitement of an affair, the feeling of being “chosen” over someone else, being lavished with expensive gifts, and the feelings of power and control because there is no commitment on the part of the “poacher”.  Although some of these women may say they don’t need a man, most do desire a committed relationship and there are three reasons that may contribute to a woman engaging in Mate Poaching.

• Low Self Esteem – Women with low self-esteem oftentimes have a belief that they are not good enough to be “the wife”.  Sometimes, they have been abused or mistreated in a relationship so their defense mechanism against being hurt again is to seek after relationships they know will not be a committed one.  The woman may also relate her self worth to her appearance so she will feel good about herself when she can successfully “catch” a committed man. 
• Sex Addiction – For women who are sex addicts, Mate Poaching is a behavior they want to stop doing, but are unable to stop without help through therapy.  There are several factors that contribute to a women becoming a sex addict including childhood sexual abuse.  Sex addicts may feel guilty and ashamed, but will continue Mate Poaching even after suffering bad consequences unless they seek professional help.
• Power & Control – Some women will say they Mate Poach because they like being the “one in control” of the relationship…that they can “leave it anytime they want” and there are no “strings attached”.  The truth is that when a person must feel like they are in “control” of a relationship, it is usually because they have a fear of abandonment or commitment.  They may have a need to feel safe because they have been abused or hurt in the past and so they think if they “control” a man, they feel safe.  In reality, the woman engaging in “Mate Poaching” is controlled by the desires of the married man. He is the one who chooses when to see her, if he will leave his partner, and is usually the one who ends the affair

 There are also various and escalating strategies that poachers use to capture and keep their prey.

• “Pollyanna” Strategy: The poacher shyly makes eye contact. “I have so much to learn from you,” she’ll simper. Or, “All I want is to make your life easier,” she’ll offer with an adoring smile. She’ll unexpectedly drop-in on the target for a quick daily connection, or send cutesie emails and admiring texts that have nothing to do with work. (What married man doesn’t want someone who makes him feel important and smart and who offers to make his life easier?)

• “Family Friend” Strategy: A poacher insinuates herself into the personal life of the target (think nannies, but not limited to). She calculatedly befriends the target’s wife, children, parents and friends; keeping her eye on the prize, your husband and his income.

• “We’re Just Colleagues” Strategy: Long hours working on a project, whether it be with a woman of equal or lesser professional status translates into meals, drinks, and business trips that look and sound like innocent work encounters. Nothing he couldn’t tell you about—yet. But he doesn’t. That’s how an emotional affair begins. The poacher persuades the target that he’s unhappy with his wife. Add a touch on the arm; deep soulful eye contact, whispers and murmurs of agreement and understanding. Sexual tension crackles. They’re not actually having sex, but she’s in his head, and you, the wife, are not.

In Japan, they have “conversation girls,” where wealthy Japanese men pay to “talk” to a woman for the evening. A poacher uses flirtatious conversation over a long period of time to worm her way into the heart and fantasies of your husband.

• The “Gym/Yoga/Pilates Temptress” Strategy: An aggressive strategy in which the poacher moves quickly: she’s an instructor, fellow gym rat or classmate. Tight-fitting workout clothes, hands-on adjustments, sexually suggestive positions, fantasy-inducing conversations about meditation, tantric sex, or yogasms abound. Add lots of leaning in, brushing against, and lip moistening to make the target feel desired, virile, young and strong, plus invitations to meet for drinks after class, and he’s almost cooked.

• “Free Spirit” Strategy: She’s the solution to her target’s burdened feelings of family obligation, boredom or neglect. She’s available whenever he wants her. (One yoga instructor was so determined to poach a male client who’s wife was battling a terrible illness, that she arranged to be in the same city, 3,000 miles away when her target was on a business trip. She invited him for drinks at her hotel bar, a drink in her room. He was flattered. Her strategy worked. After all, she’d made a superhuman effort to be available to him when his wife could not.)

• “Non-Exclusive Strategy”: When the target hasn’t made sufficient progress in leaving his wife and family, a poacher lets her target know that she’s seeing other men, and that she’s not exclusively his. She wants to make him jealous so he’ll demand that she see only him. AND she’s hoping to make sure that the target no longer sleeps with his wife. Sometimes this works. With some targets, it backfires. And when it backfires, the poacher will have to take drastic measures, which, from this point on, rarely work.

• “Ultimatum Strategy”: A poacher decides she’s ready for her “real life” with the target to begin; she’s done everything he’s wanted for as long as she can. After all, maybe he’s attended her birthday party when his wife is in the hospital; socialized with her friends or family instead of spending time with his own; taken her on trips, paying for expensive restaurants, hotels, and concerts.

She believes this means he’s genuinely hers. She may even pretend that she’s already his wife. (Like ordering expensive in-room massages or room service and signing her name with his last name - In the case of "Harlot", she made him a video messages and cake on my fiance birthday thinking she is the girlfriend). She demands (sweetly) that he spend more leisure time with her—holidays, weekends; that he move out from his family home so they can be happy together; that he make good on all the “promises” she believes he’s made.

At this point the target realizes the poacher wants a marriage. And he’s already got one. Fantasy over. The target ends the affair. The poacher realizes her mistake. She’s come on too strong. So she backpedals…

• “Happy Place Retreat” Strategy: Once again the poacher becomes the breezy, carefree woman she pretended to be in the beginning. She offers a happy-place bubble where the rest of the world doesn’t have to ever intrude. She sends him funny or sexually suggestive emails and links designed to get him thinking about sex and fun times with her. She sends him “articles” that she’s written specifically with him in mind about love and life and fear of being trapped, and how happiness can only come with change—translation: moving in with her. She texts and calls him daily, pretending he hasn’t ended the relationship. A committed poacher is unfazed by the target’s lack of response.

• “Poor Me” Strategy: She texts the target nonstop, pleading with him to come to her aid in whatever emotional or physical crisis she manufactures. She leaves piteous voice mails and sends guilt-inducing emails, outlining how she’s fallen desperately ill, she can’t sleep, she can’t eat, and all because she loves him and because he won’t return her missives. She sends numerous invitations to attend a milestone birthday, a family party, or some event she was sure he’d promised to attend while they were involved.

She cries to her friends, her parents (who are usually divorced), and pretty much anyone who’ll listen. She’s been had. She’s a victim. The target promised to love her, marry her, spend his life with her—and he reneged. (Isn’t it ironic?) In desperation, the poacher escalates her contact efforts, including hang-up phone calls to the target’s wife. She wants the target and his wife to acknowledge that she’s the wronged party here.

• “I Want Closure” Strategy: Desperate to connect to the target, she writes him a long and soulful letter or email (a text would be too long). Some of the stock phrases of this strategy are: “I’ve always been kind and there for you. How can you hurt me this way?” “How can the gentle, loving man I know treat me this way?” “I gave you the best years of my life,” (the irony seems lost on the poacher). “After all we’ve done together—we danced, we laughed, and all our amazing lovemaking—how can you leave me without a word?”

She clings to the belief that he’ll walk back into her life (cue Vicki Carr’s song, “Let It Please Be Him”). She reminds him of his promises (most of which were probably in her head) that he would be with her forever (sigh). She’s “waited years for her real life to begin,” and he “owes her a final response” (Sigh again.) She also casually mentions that she’s seeing someone new, just in case she can re-ignite his passion by creating a jealous spark.

• “Social Media” Strategy: This lets everyone know that she’s the wronged party in a relationship. She posts sad quotes by famous people about the cruelty of loving and lying and betrayal. (Even Bible posts) She posts pictures of how she’s moved on–parties, concerts, trips—where she’s draped over men she’s having casual sex with, secretly hoping the target will catch a glimpse and want her again.

• “Bunny-Boiler” Strategy: Named for the Glenn Close character in Fatal Attraction, the poacher leaps from passive to crazy stalker: she leaves dead animals on the target’s doorstep for his wife to find; calls the target’s home nonstop, muttering threats and epithets when the wife answers. She has her friends contact the target to get together so she can “accidentally” show up. Not a successful strategy by any means.

So which one are you, harlot?

Consent and Ignorance

In this age of social media, we can post whatever we want to our heart's content. We can messages whomever we want. I have been messaged by various dummy accounts and all my social media apps and emails username and password I give to my Fiance so that when some unwanted messages come through he will be the first to read and delete.

My fiance has, it was difficult to say what she is, but let just say some lovesick woman who is so fond of posting his pictures, his mannerism, his activities. I asked this of him and said that she is cray-cray and she will soon get tired of it. 

Everytime the other woman post something in her walls, I reported to my fiance. And he was always surprised to know that his pictures is being posted. Even the comments, according to him is a little bit extreme. As is the case on his birthday. Really! The nerve! This ladies and gentlemen is the example of a desperate woman who thought that she is the one who can give my fiance everything. My fiance being the wise man choose diamond over that of glitter. Why would she choose a woman so weak who will take the first pill that comes along her path? In this case the pill is my fiance, because my fiance is plagued with homesickness, she took advantage of that weakness.

According to him the "not need to say much just carry on"is he no longer want to carry on with the other woman as she is becoming aggressive

There are many more of this, but I need not post it here in this particular post. 

All I can say is, if you want other woman to emulate you, don't be the reason that two people who took their time to work their relationship end up lonely because of your own gain. Don't be a seducer! You must have self-integrity! Be a God pleaser as you always preach! Don't become a test and a devil advocate. You never did have a test or trials because you are the one who perpetuate the test and trials. Not only you lose the friendship you had with my fiance, you also lose any respect he had for you.

God and the Other Woman

Evil women will cause Christian/Catholic men to compromise and sin. They are on the wrong path and will bring you down with them. Beware.

In every nice-sized church there are worldly women put there by Satan to trap godly men.

They might profess to know Christ, but watch out. It doesn't matter how beautiful she is.

It doesn't matter if you think it's love. If a woman is persuading you to sin - end the relationship.

Proverbs 5:6 "For she cares nothing about the path to life. She staggers down a crooked trail and doesn't realize it." Proverbs 7:24-26 "Do not let your heart turn to her ways or stray into her paths"

Proverbs 5:3-4 "For the lips of an immoral woman are as sweet as honey, and her mouth is smoother than oil. But in the end she is as bittter as poison, as dangerous as a double-edged sword."

Romans 1:26 "That is why God abandoned them to their shameful desires."

Proverbs 6:23-29 "For their command is a lamp and their instruction a light; their corrective discipline is the way to life. It will keep you from the immoral woman, from the smooth tongue of a promiscuous woman."

Proverbs 30:20 "She eats and wipes her mouth and says, I've done nothing wrong."

Galatians 6:7-8 "Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. Those who live only to satisfy their own sinful nature will harvest decay and death from that sinful nature. But those who live to please the Spirit will harvest everlasting life from the Spirit."

Luke 6:31 And as ye would that men should do to you, do ye also to them likewise.

Galatians 5:16-17 "So I say, live by the Spirit, and you will never fulfill the desires of the flesh. For what the flesh want is opposed to the Spirit, and what the Spirit wants is opposed to the flesh. They are opposed to each other, and so you do not do what you want to do."

The Questions Is..

It's hard to know where to begin. But I would actually like to focus on the "other woman" (I am in no way implying that my fiance is not at fault, but I believe this woman was just as guilty). The reason this other woman interests me so much is that I would dearly love to know what's been going on in her mind for these last 10 months or so of her life. (Heck! Even now as she still keeps posting anything that is related to my Fiance).

Okay, I am thinking, she connected with my fiance, they become involved, (she messaged me that apparently they were destined to meet and have what they have together - in my opinion? they were not destined for whatever they had because if not for me preparing his papers? There would be no Canada for him) and then they decided to have an affair. She continues to spend time with him despite the fact that I told her to stay away from him (the nerve of the pock mark face woman, she knows no shame!), sleeps with him and be in a relationship with him as he stills talk with his fiance every day and every night. He probably tells her that he will leave his fiance for her (she wish! Even his family was disgusted by her actions) and then aid and abet my fiance affections so that he will fall in love with her. And when he (finally) leaves his fiance and they then live happily ever after? I don;t think so.

Why not? Because I believe, as the Bible says, that you reap what you sow (or, as the world calls it, "KARMA"). Why does this woman think that she is entitled to any happiness with a man who cheats on his fiance? And even worse than that - she knew that she is ruining the relationship! She was an integral part of it all - and allowed it to happen. Month after month, day after day - she contributed to ruining a life that takes time to build.

I guess my real question is this - Why do women allow themselves to become the "other woman"? Somebody please explain this to me! Did't they know that once they did this unspeakable act she will forever be branded as the "other woman", slut, hoe, bitch and a harlot?

Yes, I know that some people believe you can't help who you fall in love with, but I have a big problem with that line of thinking. You may not be able to help who you fall in love with, but you can certainly help who you think about, who you spend time with and who you sleep with. And I know all about low self-esteem, so that's not a good excuse for me, either. And I know that some women believe that there is a shortage of good men, but does that justify stealing someone's else?

I may be romantic at heart, but I am a realist by nature. And as a realist, I can realistically say that relationship that is founded on lying and deceit has very little chance of lasting. 

Have Courage and Be Kind

The quotes above can be found in the movie Cinderella which starred Lila James as Ella. The story plot line was like any other Cinderella's story that we have read since childhood. However, some people tends to misuse the quotes as a justification to their actions.

Is getting yourself involved with committed man kindness?

Is hurting two sets of family kindness?

Is leading the man to the dark path kindness?

Is teaching/encouraging him to cheat and lies kindness?

Is encroaching into our relationship and what we have built together kindness?

Is seducing him kindness?

Is hurting me kindness?

Surely you have the courage as you can do all of these things without consideration to the feelings of the people involved. You have the courage to latched yourself to a committed man. You have the courage to hurt the people that he is trying to protect with his lies. You have the courage to to post things about him because you have found nothing wrong with it. You have the courage to say YES to his advances. You have the courage to hurt ME who have done nothing wrong to you.

Have courage and be kind, even if others are not. Maybe you are the "others" that we are talking about.

Remember one of the moral lessons in the movie Cinderalla? 

YOU REAP WHAT YOU SOW

I have always believe in this. What you did will come back to you twofold, tenfold or even twentyfold.

Look in the mirror and look at yourself real close.

When You Are The Other Woman

Chances are you didn't wake up this morning and think: Yes, today is the day I'm going to meet a committed man—and I'm going to want to be with him. I'm even going to want him to leave his intended so that we can be together.

The thought never crossed her minds, but at the end of March last spring (whether or not she has broken up with her boyfriend), she was attracted to him.

Knowing he was committed didn't stop her from feeling the attraction, but she needed not concern herself. After all, she was a good Christian woman - she already know that what she is doing is a sin.

Proverbs 16:18 heeds, "Pride goes before destruction, and haughtiness before a fall." What she thought was strength or maturity in the face of attraction was, in fact, pride. What she thought was just a harmless attraction was actually bait on the line of temptation. Gradually, she was reeled further into the entanglement of sin. It was shockingly subtle and surprisingly innocent—a flirtatious comment here, or a lingering look there.

And it would be harder than she could have expected to get off the hook.

She knew what she was doing is wrong, but she felt drawn to this man. And when she so strongly feel something that she identify as a good feeling (such as lust that we interpret as love), it's easy to question if it could possibly be too good to be wrong.

She let her feelings guide her decisions and that was part of the problem. She felt affirmed. She felt noticed. She felt desired. And prior to being friendly with him, she was oblivious to how starved she was for those satisfactions (she choose to find it in the committed man rather that look to her boyfriend).

She was so caught up in other things—and complacent about the important things—that she wasn't aware of how depleted her heart was. On a daily and weekly basis, she was shirking her relationship with God (despite the fact that she keeps on attending churches and posting bible verses). Once this man provided what she didn't even know she was missing, that attention was hard to reject.

The emotional affair began before anything physical happened. Too often she gloss over the emotional affair, not believing that an emotional affair is a sin too. But this sin of her heart—and the idolization of this man as her source of affirmation—was no less sinful. (She keeps on posting pictures of him on her social media, anything that is related to his mannerism, his  personal things, the memories that only she will get to remember (as my Fiance was never sentimental about the things they did together and justification for her actions through Bible verses)

So began the war within. She felt conflicted in her heart, but her desire didn't want to walk away—She didn't want to walk away. And though she was never fully at peace with the idea of being in a relationship with a committed man, she justified it enough to get what she wanted out of it:

Validation.

Connection.

Affection.

Friendship.

She found it easy to justify her sinful relationship because although this man didn't have any particular grievances with his intended.

"She gives no though to the way of life; her paths are crooked, but she knows it not" Proverbs 5:6

A Secret to the Love that Lasts

My Fiance said to me, "Despite all the bullshit that I put you through you understands, sticks through all my mistakes, and smiles through the pains, even though I never deserve any of it, you were always there for me. You help me lead back to the light, to you. I will choose you over and over and will love you more for it."

Relationship is works. A lot of works. It is your choice if you choose not to make time for it. It is also your choice to nurture it or to neglect it. Distance may either break you or make you. In our case, we are stronger for it, despite the challenges, the pains and the price. My fiance always put all his effort to talk to me everyday and to do things that he thinks will make me go gooeey. Although, for a while he was lead down the dark path, he never forgets to call on me and to ask me for an updates. He always tell me to go to his parents and for his parents to invite me over for a simple lunch or for a family affair. It was a sign that I am truly the ONE for him. That he will always be there to take care of me and to love me.

A friend of his in Canada keeps in touch with me and give me materials to read that will be good for both Joseph and I. We learned a great deal of each other more. We communicate better and respect each other more. I have seen his vulnerability and he has seen my pain. He once said to me if I choose to break up with him, he will do everything to get me back. Although I have not taken the steps because I believe in second chances, we decided to work everything out.

The book was a nice read specially if you are in a long distance relationship. My Fiance who doesn't like reading much, I was surprised to find out that in this instances he was able to read this book and manage to share with me some of the passage that he finds that relate to us.

Our may not be the perfect relationship nor ideal. But we both work at it and stick together which is more than we can say for some.

On Being the Third Party

Giving love to someone is never a sin but there is exception. If you fall in love with someone who already committed, then you are having a sin. Many people love to be the other woman because they are blinded on the feeling they have. It is a dangerous feeling that can kill any home/relationship. Many other women are receiving a little time from committed men. Most of them are getting mad and jealous about this situation. If you are the other woman, you need to think about your future.

Family/Relationship is build with love and trust. No one wants to see any member of the family/relationship to get hurt. As the other woman, you never think about the people you will hurt. In this way, you are being selfish to other people and making your life miserable. If you think that, this committed man is the only one for you then you think it wrong. Learn to open your heart, mind and eyes to the people who surround you. Many single men can be a potential lover.

Before anything else, think about yourself. Are you contented to be on the 3rd or 4th priority? Do you love to receive little time from him? Do you love to hide going to other place, when your together?  Do you love to receive a call, anytime he wants? Do you love to think how he kiss and hug his girlfriend/fiance/wife? For sure, the answer is no. Think about the pain you will receive, if you continue your relationship.

If you are the girlfirend/fiance/wife and you know that your boyfriend/fiance/husband have other woman. Do you like it? Are you going to shut your mouth? Of course not. So, learn to stop it because you are hurting someone.

As a single woman, there are many opportunities waiting for you. Learn to look and give them a chance. It can help you to achieve your dreams and become a better person that you can be.

It is hard to leave this kind of situation but it is harder to continue. If you really love the committed man, help him to go back to his girlfriend/fiance/wife even if it hurts. Remember that they promise to be together until the rest of time. You need to think that you will be happier with someone who can share every moment of his life without stealing it to anyone.

Open Letter to Relationship Wrecker (Ladies You Know Who You Are)

Perhaps with I need to release all my excess anger, I think I had the right to that since it is my own feelings.

My Fiance and I are getting along delightful these past few weeks. What's with one thing and another and both of us have been busy doing this and that. All in all we were doing fabulous until I have the misfortune to receive another yet messages from the woman.

This woman has been bugging me for months now. And she is also according to my fiance bugging him too! We lost what little respect we had for her. 

Dear Relationship Wrecker,

Why don’t you respect yourselves enough to respect our relationship? We get it, you want a man of your own, and you crave love in your life. That’s fine. What isn’t fine, however, is that you seek this love in a man that’s already found it with someone else. If I can respect that you need love and have the right to pursue it with single men, why won’t you respect that I’ve found what you’re after and it means the world to me?  

It’s no secret that relationship is work especially with long distance. This means the woman who is devoted to the man who has already someone else whom you’re so eagerly enticing has been working very hard on the job and your actions could result in her losing all that she’s worked to obtain. What’s that? It takes two? Of course it does; and I say shame on you for leading a good man down the dark path.

You say you’re in search of “real love” and a “good man”, but what on earth makes you think that a man who would step out on his own family to play pretend with you is actually worth your time?  And exactly how do you expect to sleep at night once he’s “yours”? Self love is the key that opens the door to so many wonderful things in life.  Working over time to open a door that’s not for you to walk through will almost ensure that there’s no prize behind it, but rather unimaginable heartache and pain. Besides, you already had your man.. you just lose him because of the thing called TIME. You don't know how to take care of a relationship that you once had. What makes you think that you can take care of what's mine?

You say there’s a shortage of good men in this world. Is that so? Well, if that’s true, how is the solution to that possibly forever tainting one of the few who still remain? Seems like desperate and reckless behavior to me. Are those the kinds of values you want to build a relationship on? You shouldn’t.

I know a lot of you tell yourselves that if he chooses to be with you then he must have made “the better choice”, but I just don’t see it that way. I see a man who chose the easy route and a woman with values as poor as his own; a man who will most likely one day leave you too. (You’re fooling yourself if you think he won’t.) That’s no man I’d want to choose; so why do you?

Oh wait, is it because you “can love him better”? Or because you “do all the things she just won’t”, right? It may be time to ask yourself if all the “things” you do that he likes so much are those becoming of a real woman or lady?

You see him doing right by the woman he cherishes and you tell yourself those are the qualities that make up the kind of man you’ve always wanted to have for yourself. Yet, you don’t count disloyalty as a negative? Where’s the logic there?

Look, I want you to be happy too, I do. But I’m here to tell you that you won’t find any joy in ruining another woman’s relationship. Before you walk over to that committed man you’ve had your eye on for weeks (or months, or years) and say something you know you’ll regret, I beg you, think again.

Here are some thoughts I recommend you ponder in that moment: Why do you want to be his “friend” if he’s already committed, happily or not? Will you be able to live with yourself when you see another woman’s life fall apart because you selfishly tried to improve your own at her expense? Do you think you can build a happy home right on top of a broken one? Why don’t you love yourself enough to recognize that you deserve a healthy, happy, relationships untarnished by grief and guilt from day one? We hear often that we should treat others as we hope to be treated. This applies to how you meet your man ladies. Steal him once, and he’ll be stolen again. When that happens, you’ll want to write your own angry letter, I promise you.

Oh, and one last thing. For those of you who feel you have a “true connection” with a committed man and he feels the same for you – wait! If he’s the right man and he’s truly unhappy in his relationship, he’ll end things properly, on his terms, and without your interference. Then he’ll cool his heels until it’s once again the right time to pursue new love with you. That’s how it should go. Encouraging or asking him to choose your happiness over his family’s pain is foolish, and he’s an even bigger fool if he takes you up on it. Love is patient, love is kind…think it through!

P.S.

I believe you are older than me for about few years, then why the hell you had the same common sense as the boiled potatoes. I for one don't believe in the adage "Pag matalino ka bobo sa pag-ibig". Matalino akong tao napaka talino, pero never akong bobo sa pag-ibig. I don't know if I can give you the forgiveness or the peace. One day, karma will get back to you. Until then.. 

To Those Who feel Their Heartbreak Will Never Ends

I feel you. I feel your frustrations. I understand your pains. I am not blind to your heartaches. Nor am I oblivious to your restless mind. And like you I also struggle.

If you didn't win this one, I am sorry. I just want you to know that you must keep on fighting. Keep on surviving. Keep on loving.

For seven months I've tried to forget. For 28 weeks I've tried to convince myself. And for 196 days I am fighting. We both are. This time I am fighting with him beside me.

For months, my fiance has been battling with homesickness without telling me. He told me that he was lost and he find himself in the dark walk without him being aware of it. He felt guilty about the matter. He felt embarrass about what is happening that is why he kept things from me to protect me from all the hurts that it would bring.

There is only one thing I can tell to those who are in pain. Let it hurt until it can;t possibly hurt anymore. Let it hurt until you get so sick of being in that state that you finally want to make that decision to get better. To start focusing on other things and to start doing things for yourself once again.

I have been lucky in this instance. Because when I want to call it off, my Fiance wouldn't let me. I am still fighting against him but he chose to fight with me. I am the one he loves he says, so he will stay whether I like it or not. He will still work on our dreams like we used to. The other day he talks to me about starting a family. How he will cook for me and take care of me. How we will buy a car when we get to be together. He is planning all the future for us. I am also thankful for his real friends both in Canada and here in Philippines for the support they had given us. For his family who are always there for us.

As he said, "We have come a long way. Don't give up on me. Not now. Not ever."

Escape to San Juan Batangas

Its the time of the year again when the sea is calling for me. I have spent few days in Batangas for relaxation and meditation. This past few months have been taking a toll on me. And I need a recharge.

I love photography. I wish to have a spanking laptop so that I will be able to enhance my editing skills and video editing. (Fiance says he will buy me one, but I will save something just in case. The one I had at home keeps on hanging on me. I have been using it since college).

I was able to enjoy my stay here. Of course the foods are sumptuous which is a real deal breaker. I was surprise that I was able to gobble as much food as before since my appetite has been off this past few months. Maybe the provincial air is good for me.

I wish to go to Sagada or Benguet but sadly my fiance wouldn't let me. Oh well..

Valentine's Surprise

Today I received a Valentine's from my fiance. It came as a surprise because I was not expecting anything from him. We are not the type of couple who celebrate Valentine's Day as a rule, a simple date will suffice. Also, I am not the type of girl who demands outrageous gesture from my fiance.

It came as a surprise to me when he began to badger me to stay at the office a little bit longer. According to him, he has some delivery from Jollibee for me. I am thinking maybe his valentine for me this year is dinner which is nice of him. But a much bigger package was being hand over to me by our security guard.

Inside the box contains every Valentine's gift that a girl can have.

However, it seems that "harlot" is keeping tracks of my activity. Because she messaged me the next day about receiving Chocolates, flowers, balloon and teddy bear. And it put me in a bad mood. What is it to her if I've got valentine's gifts? She said she wants help in figuring things out. No need to figure things out - my impression of her will always be - A SLUT! Because what kind of decent woman that will engage/accept the advances of a man who is already engaged/committed to someone else? I thought she is not idiot as to go after my fiance as her ex told me? Or that my fiance is not handsome enough for her to fall head over heels with, again according to her ex. Seems she enjoy being the third party.

Woman like that is way way beneath me. I would never have spread my legs for someone that is not mine to begin me nor will I ever be free with kisses.


To end, I would wish every girl a happy valentine's day. To those who never gave up despite being emotionally tortured by the other woman!

Girls Like You

I will not only brand you with a scarlet letter, but also with a big sign that says “hypocrite.” You are giving in to the societal pressures that pin girls against one another. You are responsible for making it too tempting to slut-shame, to hate you.

I don't know how to talk to you. Rationally I know we can't be that different, but at my very core I believe that there's no common ground between girls like you and girls like me.

You are always full of excuses as to why what went down is not your fault.

You walk around, talking about him in your Instagram. Like your one sentence was enough to rationalize your behavior. There is no way to convince me that what you did was okay or excusable.

You made a choice, a decision to barrel through our relationship that we so meticulously built and you crushed everything. No half of the story is going to change the fact that you participated in something that left me feeling broken and completely alone.

Your excuses are irrelevant.

You had a choice. There is always a moment when you can either say "Yes I will do this" - choosing to live with consequences - or walk away.

Maybe you are at peace with the consequences. maybe you are fine with your choices.

Regardless, I will never forgive girls like you.