The Questions Is..

It's hard to know where to begin. But I would actually like to focus on the "other woman" (I am in no way implying that my fiance is not at fault, but I believe this woman was just as guilty). The reason this other woman interests me so much is that I would dearly love to know what's been going on in her mind for these last 10 months or so of her life. (Heck! Even now as she still keeps posting anything that is related to my Fiance).

Okay, I am thinking, she connected with my fiance, they become involved, (she messaged me that apparently they were destined to meet and have what they have together - in my opinion? they were not destined for whatever they had because if not for me preparing his papers? There would be no Canada for him) and then they decided to have an affair. She continues to spend time with him despite the fact that I told her to stay away from him (the nerve of the pock mark face woman, she knows no shame!), sleeps with him and be in a relationship with him as he stills talk with his fiance every day and every night. He probably tells her that he will leave his fiance for her (she wish! Even his family was disgusted by her actions) and then aid and abet my fiance affections so that he will fall in love with her. And when he (finally) leaves his fiance and they then live happily ever after? I don;t think so.

Why not? Because I believe, as the Bible says, that you reap what you sow (or, as the world calls it, "KARMA"). Why does this woman think that she is entitled to any happiness with a man who cheats on his fiance? And even worse than that - she knew that she is ruining the relationship! She was an integral part of it all - and allowed it to happen. Month after month, day after day - she contributed to ruining a life that takes time to build.

I guess my real question is this - Why do women allow themselves to become the "other woman"? Somebody please explain this to me! Did't they know that once they did this unspeakable act she will forever be branded as the "other woman", slut, hoe, bitch and a harlot?

Yes, I know that some people believe you can't help who you fall in love with, but I have a big problem with that line of thinking. You may not be able to help who you fall in love with, but you can certainly help who you think about, who you spend time with and who you sleep with. And I know all about low self-esteem, so that's not a good excuse for me, either. And I know that some women believe that there is a shortage of good men, but does that justify stealing someone's else?

I may be romantic at heart, but I am a realist by nature. And as a realist, I can realistically say that relationship that is founded on lying and deceit has very little chance of lasting. 

Have Courage and Be Kind

The quotes above can be found in the movie Cinderella which starred Lila James as Ella. The story plot line was like any other Cinderella's story that we have read since childhood. However, some people tends to misuse the quotes as a justification to their actions.

Is getting yourself involved with committed man kindness?

Is hurting two sets of family kindness?

Is leading the man to the dark path kindness?

Is teaching/encouraging him to cheat and lies kindness?

Is encroaching into our relationship and what we have built together kindness?

Is seducing him kindness?

Is hurting me kindness?

Surely you have the courage as you can do all of these things without consideration to the feelings of the people involved. You have the courage to latched yourself to a committed man. You have the courage to hurt the people that he is trying to protect with his lies. You have the courage to to post things about him because you have found nothing wrong with it. You have the courage to say YES to his advances. You have the courage to hurt ME who have done nothing wrong to you.

Have courage and be kind, even if others are not. Maybe you are the "others" that we are talking about.

Remember one of the moral lessons in the movie Cinderalla? 

YOU REAP WHAT YOU SOW

I have always believe in this. What you did will come back to you twofold, tenfold or even twentyfold.

Look in the mirror and look at yourself real close.

When You Are The Other Woman

Chances are you didn't wake up this morning and think: Yes, today is the day I'm going to meet a committed man—and I'm going to want to be with him. I'm even going to want him to leave his intended so that we can be together.

The thought never crossed her minds, but at the end of March last spring (whether or not she has broken up with her boyfriend), she was attracted to him.

Knowing he was committed didn't stop her from feeling the attraction, but she needed not concern herself. After all, she was a good Christian woman - she already know that what she is doing is a sin.

Proverbs 16:18 heeds, "Pride goes before destruction, and haughtiness before a fall." What she thought was strength or maturity in the face of attraction was, in fact, pride. What she thought was just a harmless attraction was actually bait on the line of temptation. Gradually, she was reeled further into the entanglement of sin. It was shockingly subtle and surprisingly innocent—a flirtatious comment here, or a lingering look there.

And it would be harder than she could have expected to get off the hook.

She knew what she was doing is wrong, but she felt drawn to this man. And when she so strongly feel something that she identify as a good feeling (such as lust that we interpret as love), it's easy to question if it could possibly be too good to be wrong.

She let her feelings guide her decisions and that was part of the problem. She felt affirmed. She felt noticed. She felt desired. And prior to being friendly with him, she was oblivious to how starved she was for those satisfactions (she choose to find it in the committed man rather that look to her boyfriend).

She was so caught up in other things—and complacent about the important things—that she wasn't aware of how depleted her heart was. On a daily and weekly basis, she was shirking her relationship with God (despite the fact that she keeps on attending churches and posting bible verses). Once this man provided what she didn't even know she was missing, that attention was hard to reject.

The emotional affair began before anything physical happened. Too often she gloss over the emotional affair, not believing that an emotional affair is a sin too. But this sin of her heart—and the idolization of this man as her source of affirmation—was no less sinful. (She keeps on posting pictures of him on her social media, anything that is related to his mannerism, his  personal things, the memories that only she will get to remember (as my Fiance was never sentimental about the things they did together and justification for her actions through Bible verses)

So began the war within. She felt conflicted in her heart, but her desire didn't want to walk away—She didn't want to walk away. And though she was never fully at peace with the idea of being in a relationship with a committed man, she justified it enough to get what she wanted out of it:

Validation.

Connection.

Affection.

Friendship.

She found it easy to justify her sinful relationship because although this man didn't have any particular grievances with his intended.

"She gives no though to the way of life; her paths are crooked, but she knows it not" Proverbs 5:6

A Secret to the Love that Lasts

My Fiance said to me, "Despite all the bullshit that I put you through you understands, sticks through all my mistakes, and smiles through the pains, even though I never deserve any of it, you were always there for me. You help me lead back to the light, to you. I will choose you over and over and will love you more for it."

Relationship is works. A lot of works. It is your choice if you choose not to make time for it. It is also your choice to nurture it or to neglect it. Distance may either break you or make you. In our case, we are stronger for it, despite the challenges, the pains and the price. My fiance always put all his effort to talk to me everyday and to do things that he thinks will make me go gooeey. Although, for a while he was lead down the dark path, he never forgets to call on me and to ask me for an updates. He always tell me to go to his parents and for his parents to invite me over for a simple lunch or for a family affair. It was a sign that I am truly the ONE for him. That he will always be there to take care of me and to love me.

A friend of his in Canada keeps in touch with me and give me materials to read that will be good for both Joseph and I. We learned a great deal of each other more. We communicate better and respect each other more. I have seen his vulnerability and he has seen my pain. He once said to me if I choose to break up with him, he will do everything to get me back. Although I have not taken the steps because I believe in second chances, we decided to work everything out.

The book was a nice read specially if you are in a long distance relationship. My Fiance who doesn't like reading much, I was surprised to find out that in this instances he was able to read this book and manage to share with me some of the passage that he finds that relate to us.

Our may not be the perfect relationship nor ideal. But we both work at it and stick together which is more than we can say for some.

On Being the Third Party

Giving love to someone is never a sin but there is exception. If you fall in love with someone who already committed, then you are having a sin. Many people love to be the other woman because they are blinded on the feeling they have. It is a dangerous feeling that can kill any home/relationship. Many other women are receiving a little time from committed men. Most of them are getting mad and jealous about this situation. If you are the other woman, you need to think about your future.

Family/Relationship is build with love and trust. No one wants to see any member of the family/relationship to get hurt. As the other woman, you never think about the people you will hurt. In this way, you are being selfish to other people and making your life miserable. If you think that, this committed man is the only one for you then you think it wrong. Learn to open your heart, mind and eyes to the people who surround you. Many single men can be a potential lover.

Before anything else, think about yourself. Are you contented to be on the 3rd or 4th priority? Do you love to receive little time from him? Do you love to hide going to other place, when your together?  Do you love to receive a call, anytime he wants? Do you love to think how he kiss and hug his girlfriend/fiance/wife? For sure, the answer is no. Think about the pain you will receive, if you continue your relationship.

If you are the girlfirend/fiance/wife and you know that your boyfriend/fiance/husband have other woman. Do you like it? Are you going to shut your mouth? Of course not. So, learn to stop it because you are hurting someone.

As a single woman, there are many opportunities waiting for you. Learn to look and give them a chance. It can help you to achieve your dreams and become a better person that you can be.

It is hard to leave this kind of situation but it is harder to continue. If you really love the committed man, help him to go back to his girlfriend/fiance/wife even if it hurts. Remember that they promise to be together until the rest of time. You need to think that you will be happier with someone who can share every moment of his life without stealing it to anyone.