To Those Who feel Their Heartbreak Will Never Ends

I feel you. I feel your frustrations. I understand your pains. I am not blind to your heartaches. Nor am I oblivious to your restless mind. And like you I also struggle.

If you didn't win this one, I am sorry. I just want you to know that you must keep on fighting. Keep on surviving. Keep on loving.

For seven months I've tried to forget. For 28 weeks I've tried to convince myself. And for 196 days I am fighting. We both are. This time I am fighting with him beside me.

For months, my fiance has been battling with homesickness without telling me. He told me that he was lost and he find himself in the dark walk without him being aware of it. He felt guilty about the matter. He felt embarrass about what is happening that is why he kept things from me to protect me from all the hurts that it would bring.

There is only one thing I can tell to those who are in pain. Let it hurt until it can;t possibly hurt anymore. Let it hurt until you get so sick of being in that state that you finally want to make that decision to get better. To start focusing on other things and to start doing things for yourself once again.

I have been lucky in this instance. Because when I want to call it off, my Fiance wouldn't let me. I am still fighting against him but he chose to fight with me. I am the one he loves he says, so he will stay whether I like it or not. He will still work on our dreams like we used to. The other day he talks to me about starting a family. How he will cook for me and take care of me. How we will buy a car when we get to be together. He is planning all the future for us. I am also thankful for his real friends both in Canada and here in Philippines for the support they had given us. For his family who are always there for us.

As he said, "We have come a long way. Don't give up on me. Not now. Not ever."

Reading Marathon

Reading is dreaming with open eyes

I've always love to read books. 

When I was a baby toddling along I always have my hardbound ABC book with me. Mama would patiently read me through ABCs and phrases until I was able to read without assistance. During the summer of 1997, I was already reading Baby-Sitters Club by Ann M. Martin at the age of 7 (never would I dream that Mama would be annoyed with me because I read to much. But then, who doesn't when one forget to eat and sleep). I would go on an adventure full of mystery and problem solving with Nancy Drew, Hardy Boys and the Bobbsey Twins.

In high school, I have an on-off love affair with Sweet Valley. During this time, I also fell in love with literature and short stories, however, I detest reading technical books (i.e. math, science, accounting, etc.). Mama also gifted me with a set of encyclopedia and a big dictionary (I still use the dictionary to this day).

I am by nature not intelligent. I don't even have a photographic memory nor was I able to retain the information that I read, what more, I don't even have a perfect grammar (need practice on this one)! Can you believe it? I just love to read. Reading for me is a pleasure. I was able to travel to another place without moving (I would very much like a chance to see the world on foot).

Reading has always been a constant in my life. I remember one time during my university years, I brought a Harry Potter book and read it in class instead listening to my professor's lecture about partnership and equities. The professor swooped down and confiscated my book until the end of the class. So reading was done at home at a leisure time. I would also buy a LOT of second hand novels near school. During semester break I would to my heart's content. 

I was out of school for many years now, and I don't read as much as before. Right now, instead of books I have e-books (digital books). I have thousand in collections most of which I haven't read yet. So, I still have lot of adventure to explore, more characters to meet and more love and friendship to treasure.

Santacruzan at DBM

As part of DBM 79th Anniversary, the BMB-A decides to enter the Santacurzan Summer Fiesta. However rules must be followed. First, it must be made of recycled office supplies. Second, must be wearable. And last, it must be unique (points for creativity).

The BMB-A's fashion committee came up with these upon research off on the internet.

Then we came up with these (me wearing the gown).

I made the flowers you see on my head, waist and skirt. My earrings were made of paper clips by putting a double adhesive tape in my ears. (ouch!)

In the end, I won the 3rd place and get to take home a whooping Php 3,000 which I shared with my officemates.

New Year, New Look, New Me

Happy New Year!

So, I'm sporting a new hair-do (yipee!). I've been trying to tame my hair using dove and to no avail it remain frizzy and brittle, so I got mine rebonded over the holiday. For sure, I'll be maintaining this one.

My vacation in Bicol is a good gloomy one, it's been raining non-stop and I only got to go out on December 30th to meet with my high school friends classmates and its been raining hard.

On the plus side, I've got to spend more time with my family, especially my mother, we've been talking about life in general and also, about my love life in details. (It's also a good time to broach about marriage and kids, just so there won't be any surprises in the future as to where the two of us are heading).

I also miss the only love of my life, though we don't send each other messages as often as before, still it good to know that I'm being miss without being obsessive about it.

So, here's to a happier 2015.

When One Turns A Year Older

Labsie and I celebrated our birthdays with lots and lots of foods, love and laughter.

On September 1, Labsie and I went to Sto. Cristo Parish for Thanksgiving Mass, then later we went to his house for breakfast. It was to my surprised that Labsie bought me a birthday cake from Conti's (Mango Bravo) and his parents were singing me a birthday song. Labsie also bought me a bag from Mango (and I love it!).

Come dinner, we went to Sambo Kojin for an eat all you can buffet date and again its freebies for me (yay!). I went home feeling stuffy, full and in love. 

On September 18, Labsie and I again went to Sto Cristo  Parish for Thanksgiving Mass, with me were cake from Conti's (the Red Velvet kind) and my gift (a Timex Ironman Sport Watch) for the birthday boy. Then we have delicious breakfast again at their house with hite Spaghetti (my favorite) courtesy of Tita Rina. Around noon, we went to Amoranto's Sports Complex for Labsie swimming exercise. We then proceed to Lucky Chinatown's Mann Hann for dinner with his family.

Having our birthdays means my goals and priorities were shifted since it was where we begin to contemplate on our future. I have so many aspirations for us and I was hoping he is too. I pray that God will lead us down the path where both of us were holding hands to a future full of love and surprises.

Date A Man Who Loves You More

I found this article on Thought Catalog, Thought Catalog are collections of articles written by different people that pertains to his/her freedom of speech. I find it read-worthy. This day, I would like to share with you an article written by Shanna Roberts Salee entitled Date A Man Who Loves You More.

Date a man who loves you more. Meet him young, at a time when you're not old enough to realize how precious he is. Fall in love carelessly. Start to think he must be the one, begin building a life with him. Become entangled with his family and him to yours, believe he will be the father of your children in later years. Date a man who loves you more because he will love everything you hate about yourself. The man who loves you more will rub your feet when you're tired and take your cousins out for ice cream because he is simply that kind of man. He will abandon his plans to come rub your back when you're sick without you ever having to ask. The man who loves you more will allow you to grow as a person without taking space. He will be patient, kind;; he will know when to apologize and when to be quiet. He will never yell. He will laugh at your jokes and find you beautiful, even at your worst. The man who loves you more will love you entirely, unconditionally; he will follow you anywhere and do anything for you.

As you grow with the man who loves you more, ignore the creeping sense of boredom, Ifnore it because it is selfish, it is unbecoming, and you know you should be satisfied with this perfect man. Ignore it because you watch the women around you, your friends, your sisters, your co-workers, and you know they all long for the man you have. Ignore the melancholia and the longing you feel every time you watch a couple fight with passion, with anger, with fire. Count on your fingers the number of fights you've had over the years, and consider yourself lucky without really believing it. Ignore the nostalgia you feel for moments that have never existed. Ignore it because you know passion is fleeting, passion is mercurial; passion is not something you build a life on. Passion will not raise your kids, it will not pay your mortgage. When passion fades, you tell yourself, you are left with nothing but regret. Ignore the slow leak of emptiness filling your gut when you kiss him, because it does not belong in your life. It does not belong with this perfect man who loves you more. He is dependable and with him, you know you will lead a lifetime of contentment. You will travel with him, you will push him towards his goals. You will have wonderful memories and photo albums. You will celebrate milestone with pride, you will grow old holding his hand and raise balanced children with him. When your children fall in love, you will smile and hope they find someone who loves them more, because it will guarantee them the satisfied life you have led.

Do not date the other man because the other man will never give you the stability you know you need. Stay away from the other man because with him, you are unreliable. The other man will never be there for you with the same dependability you have come to expect. He will challenge yo and push you to question everything you think you know about yourself. The other man will love you, he will love you in a ways that makes you abandon every certainty you have ever had, but he will not help you keep your balance. Just when you think you have figured that man out, he will disorient you, you will be winded, you will not be able to breathe. Date the man who loves you more because the other man will never need you. He will miss you when you're gone, he will be secretly broken, but he will go on without you because he does not depend on anyone. This man is treacherous, you cannot trust yourself with him.

When things are good with this man, you will be euphoric. You will be the best version of yourself. You will look in the mirror and find you are beautiful. You will be the luckiest woman in the world, and you will believe it. You will tell him you love him and the words will explode out of your heart because it will be the first time you have ever encountered such irrevocable truth. He will say it back and mean it, and you will feel like you can never be close enough to him. You will lose yourself in him, and he will lose yourself in you. Stay away from this man because your happiness will be fleeting. When things are bad with him, he will fight back. He will not be patient, he will not soothe you. The other man will be infuriating. He will be selfish, careless with his words and at times even cruel. He will try to inflict as much pain on you as himself is feeling. He will not apologize and he will push you to your limits. With this man, you can expect the dizzying agony of passion, the blurred oblivion of apathy, the delicious comfort of despair, the addictive misery of loneliness. You will tell yourself that it is better to have loved and lost that to have never loved at all, but in that moment of utter hopelessness, you will not believe it with absolute conviction.

Date a man who loves you more because while he can never be quite enough, the other man will always be too much. The other man will leave you thirsty for more, parched for him, panicked like a drunk who has finished his last bottle. Date that man who loves you more, fall for him in a slow and steady way, build a foundation with him and consider, truly consider, how lucky you are to have found him. Do all this, because with the other man, you will never know anything but a frenzied hunger and all-encompassing madness. With that man you will burn bright and fast, and you will be invincible until you are not. Find the man who loves you more and keep him because the worth of happiness cannot be measured in days and months and years, and those fleeting few memories of pure, unadulterated bliss will never measures up to the lifetime of contentment you will have with the man who loves you more. Tell yourself this over and over, let it become your mantra, and condition yourself to believe it. Forget the other man, or at least try to, ignore the smells, the sounds and the things that remind you of him, ignore the way he made you feel, because you are better off apart. Together you make the world explode, but you cannot survive in it after. Date the man who loves you more, choose him and never let him go, because you are wise enough to know that stories of true love never have a happy ending, and with this man at least you will die knowing someone loved you more.

The Gift of Time

 You've probably heard this statement a few times"Time Stood Still For No Man". How true are these words. Time denotes our existence here on earth, the dash - between our birth to the last day of our lives contains a personal history of who we were, how we lived, who we knew and what we did with our lives. 

It is filled with memories of love, joy, laughter, pain, sorrow, anger, forgiveness, emotions all entertained, some internalized, some expressed, and some exploded.

In the midst of our living, time continues on its endless journey - time is a gift, though we rarely stop and acknowledge it as such. With everyday time is equally allotted to everyone - 24 hours, and what we do with that time is totally up to us. 

We can spend out time wisely, or worthlessly, we can squander it, or invest it, we can enjoy it, or abuse it, we can live it, or retreat from it, but it moves on regardless. 

Time cannot be contained, only the memories caught within that time can be. With time we have the amazing ability to capture within our memory bank those moments that cause us to become embodied with adrenaline, love, passion, peace, and a revealing awareness of who we are as individuals.

I have always wanted to do everything at once. These past few weeks, I have taken various short classes of the things I want to learn and also, I plan on taking more in the future. It was a huge sacrifice on my part, especially if you are someone who wants to be beside your guy all the time. For the past three years, I always tends to my boyfriend for enjoyment and contentment, until I felt that I have to do something worthwhile to accelerate my personal growth. Which is a big surprise for me because I rarely get bored with monotony.

Seeing Labsie working out every weekend and enjoying his chosen hobbies sparks something in me. It got me thinking that I should do something about it. Since I was into arts and crafts, I decided to take various arts and crafts and enjoy my life. Travelling was out of option since I'd like to go travel with him. 

Spending time with your boyfriend is no biggie - but you have to have passion for other things. If Labsie was into sports and I was into him is not the mark of good relationship. Finding other passion will make you love yourself more. It also gives you enough confidence and self-esteem.

These days I manage my time between my passion and my boyfriend which is good for us as it make the two of us grow together and separately while chasing both our dreams.

Labsie gift for me on Christmas 2013

On Being An Artist

There is something you need to know about me. I am a frustrated artist. When I was in grade school, someone gave me a box of acrylic paint (I was good at coloring a coloring book). I was overjoyed and enthusiastic thinking that I can create great masterpiece with it. To start, I made a makeshift easel (chair covered with white blanket), and Mama bought me a ream of bond paper (yes a ream, Mama always supported us when it comes to extracurricular activities provided that it will benefits our personal growth). And viola! I began to paint like an artist I see in movies. Sadly, I wasn't able to create a masterpiece, what I created instead is a messy canvass splattered with arrays of colors. But it was great for Mama. 

I have always been fascinated with artsy stuff. I am a hoarder of newspaper cut-outs, a friend drawings, stationary stuffs. One time, I collect cut-outs from a magazine thinking that I will be able to start my scrapbooking, but I lacked materials i.e. glue, glue gun, and photos, so I put it in a box and let it gather dust. I will deal with it later soon!

This past few days, i immersed myself in making polymer clay. I enrolled two workshop this month dedicated to polymer clay craft and it was great! So behold! - hopefully my next post is all about my artsy crafty projects that I finished, and my journey in realizing my dream as an artist.

This is the beginning of something new!

Journey In Becoming A Triathlete

Three years ago, Labsie and I started our first run together at University of Santo Tomas as part of our bonding activities. Sometimes, we would run at Labsie's place during weekends to save on money and energy (Labsie usually has work during weekends, thus I would go to his place, and we can’t afford to have a date at malls every time we go out). I always tend to surpass Labsie during our little run. Little by little, I began to notice Labsie's endurance became longer and stronger. Then on December 9, 2012, JR and I, together with my siblings, ran Milo Marathon at SM MOA Pasay. Since then, he began to train himself more and entered into running races. Depending on his training, he would run 5k, 10k and on a good day – a 21k.

Our first run at UST

He likes put variation on his training. After taking a run, we would rode on a bike. Personally, I like riding on a bike better than running because I get tired easily. Labsie also began reading books/magazines and browsing the webs about running and biking. He would research anything from prolonging his endurance to increasing his strength. For those who knew him, he doesn't like to read very much, but Labsie meticulously go through pages of pages of the magazines and books that he and I brought, since I refused to read for him. Reading has become his relaxing habit (don’t ever lend him any books that’s not related to his interest!).

Biking around the subdivision

Labsie was never a fan of monotony. He would always look for some ways to train and challenge himself. So he enrolled in a swimming lesson at Bert Lozada to learn the basic of swimming and little did he know, he was preparing himself to become a triathlete. Watching him improved session after session made me proud of him because every stroke he makes, seems to make a difference to his confidence. Mostly, I just want to watch him smile and absorbs all lessons that the instructor made him do.

For someone whose working hours is erratic, he always finds time to train. On his off days we would see him swimming away at YMCA or at some other pools. He says it was the only way for him to relax, so, I didn't budge him to take a rest on his off days. All those hard works, discipline and perseverance paid off. No longer a lanky boy – he was now a triathlete. Added to that, he was also full of knowledge and wisdom.

He joins TriUnited 2014, his first triathlon event. He joins not because he wants to compete, but to enjoy the experience.  I am proud to say that he finished the race with no glitch at all.

I am proud of the man he become. He was always so full of energy it's no wonder he chose this kind of sports. And what's my role in all of this? I am always waiting at the finish line to cheer him on.

TriUnited - Labsie finally a TRIATHLETE

Years

The following pictures were taken the year after I graduated from University. 

2010

1. Graduated from Far Eastern University. I wasn't able to attend the graduation because I wasn't informed that there would be a ceremony for summer graduates like me. I am already working one month after I finished my course.
2. July 29, 2010 - Job interview for Hastings Motor Corporation. Met Labsie - my will be future boyfriend. He was the one who interviewed me. And I was starstruck, but it passed.
3. November 2010 - Strategic Planning at Subic. Felt the connection but dismissed it.
4. First Date - Watch My Amnesia Girl at Mall of Asia, Pasay

2011

1. March 8, 2011 - Became an item.
2. Hong Kong Shen Zhen Escapades
3. Department of Budget and Management - Hired!
4. First Club Experience at Republiq
5. Tagaytay for Labsie's Birthday Bash
6. National Convention at Naga for Filipino-Chinese Catholic Youth
7. Attend Ate Joy Baby Shower
8. March 2011 - Meet Andres Family

2012

1. Pangasinan Company Assesment
2. Had Chicken Pox
3. Ashton and Aeden First Birthday at Tagaytay
4. Mt. Pinatubo Adventure
5. Paulo and Monina Wedding - Labsie introduced me to his friends
6. Skating at MOA 

2013

1. Tour Puerto Princesa with Jard
2. Singapore with Parents
3. Bicol Tour with Labsie
4. Balai Isabel
5. First Time - Enchanted Kingdom

Aeden Joseph: A Guardian Angel

I first met Aeden Joseph when Labsie and I weren't yet an item. He showed me an ultrasound of his sister being pregnant with a pair of twins. He even told me that it was his best birthday gift that he will be receiving in the year 2010 and I was amazed at how he already love his nephews and how he was overjoyed at the news that he announced the news to the whole Makati office where we worked. I was simply flabbergasted!

Months before the twins were born, I was invited by Labsie to join his sister's baby shower. The agenda was for her sister to teach me how to make Buko Pandan. We were already sweetheart by then and it will be the first time that I would be meeting someone from his family. In order for them to like me, we brought clothes for the yet to be born twins and I attached a simple message for Ate Joy "Double the Troubles, Double the Fun".

The twins (Aeden Joseph and Ashton John) were born at St. Jude Hospital via Cesarean Section, which true to their surname Mayo (means "May" in Spanish) was born a day before May began which is April 30, 2011. 

I began to follow the twins progress via Facebook. From time to time, when our schedule permits, Labsie and I visits the twins and play with them. I began to love them as if they too, were my family. I spoil them with goodies but not so much as I don't want them to grow up spoiled. I buy things for them that they need. 

This Christmas 2013, I brought a table and chairs as our gift, to which it became their daily tambayan and I was overjoyed that the gift serve it purpose - bonding for the twins.

I was having a Christmas Party at office when Joey (Labsie's younger sister) called me that Aeden was with our Creator at a tender age of two. I don't want to believe the news at first. Why? I just saw him through Facebook the other day eating YanYan sitting at one of the chairs that we give them. I'm still planning to buy lots of books and crayons. In my mind, we still have lot of moments to make. I saw Aeden as one of my bearer when it's my turn to walk down the aisle. I saw them playing with my kids that have yet to be borne. I always pictures myself growing up with them ever since I attended their baby shower. But deep inside, I already accepted that Aeden was now an angel. An angel that has been called by our Lord. An angel that came down to us to became a special part in our lives, most of all to his parents to which he gives unconditional love and  unending joy.

Aeden will always be in my prayer. Though we are not connected by blood, we are bound by hearts and memories. You will forever be miss. 

Aeden Joseph A. Mayo
April 30, 2011 - December 20, 2013

Workout Wednesday

I will be posting Workout Wednesday starting now!

I have a low metabolism that's why I encourage myself to do physical activities.

I started running Summer of 2010 then stop somewhere in the middle, then started running again, the again - I stopped.

However, despite all the "yo-yo" exercise. One thing is constant - I always EAT a LOT. So I became pudgy once more. 

This time I want to stick around. I would always eat a lot, but in addition, I would also like to keep my body trim. So instead of lazing around after dinner, I would make a point to walk around our neighborhood.

My boyfriend was a consistent health buff, he would be my role model and my trainer. His interest evolved from running to biking to swimming and to doing all three. He will be having his first triathlon this coming February, and hopefully I would be able to document his race and put it in this blog.

As to me, I would stick to walking for now. 

Resolution 2013

I've been absent from blog-sphere for many months now due to numerous mundane things that keeps on popping out (also because my phone don't support Blogger Apps yet). My last posts was on July 29, 2013, a lot of things happened since then.

I've been cooking again and I'm hoping that it will stick this time. I'm on diet. (Not the kind that you will starve yourself to death, the kind where I eat more vegetables than meat). I'm also trying to find my exercise regimen (hopefully I will be able to join a Muay Thai Class next year).

I also plans on taking cooking lessons when I have enough free time on my hands. Maximize my savings next year since I am not getting any younger. And invest in the things that worth investing.

Posted via Blogaway

A Day in Jazzy's Life

Hello! My name is Jazzy. I am going to tell you a simple story about me.

I am of a Labrador breed. I am big, black and tends to be on the overweight side and also I am beautiful. I pretty much begins the day with a stretching and lounging on my corner with a clear water beside me. I love everything about my family. I came to live with them since I was two years old. Sigh. How time flies. I am now 6 doggy year old. My routine was pretty much the same. I would always take a walk around the subdivision with a help and if lucks hold with my best friend JR. JR was everything I like in my master and I am lucky to have him. Whenever his girl came to visit I am always vying for his attention. Sometimes, in my enthusiasm I jumped at his girlfriend, she is small by the way. I always loves it when she shrieked. I have my moments.

I live a simple life. And with that, I also have a simple pleasures. I love barking at a boy canine, I love chasing strangers and I also loves eating ice. At times I get lonely when no one was there to play with me so I had nothing better to day than to sleep and scratch myself. All the members of the household were busy peoples. Jeez. But I know in my heart that I am always there in my heart. 

Shuttle Service to Work

I'm finally a Shuttle lady! Going to work especially in Manila was a hassle even if you are just 30 minutes away from work, simply because you will be experiencing huge traffic, jeep hopping and unpleasant co-passenger which emits body odor and sweat.

It was a nice change for me after working for more than a year to be able to go to work without hassle. The only disadvantage of having a shuttle service is the waiting time, but it was no big dealie!!

A shuttle service is basically any method of transporting people back and forth from one point to another. Usually, shuttle services have designated drop-off and pick-up points, and shuttle vehicles run between the two points at regular intervals. The service is often free, although in some circumstances there may be a nominal fee to use shuttle transportation. Shuttle services save people time by saving them a long walk before and after an event. They also help with public safety by reducing the number of pedestrians in parking lots after a big game or event.

New Phone = New Responsibility

So, I've bought myself a new smart phone yesterday. It's my first phone to be honest. I've was never really interested in getting myself a new phone because I was frugal that way. However, my boyfriend was able to convince me to buy new phone since we will be seeing a lot of each other through Skype or any video calls available in the market.

Guess what my phone?

Samsung S4

I tried to access WiFi yesterday but to no avail I was not able to browse the internet. I learned that Samsung S4 has problem with WiFi connection. So I'm waiting for my activation of my globe plan. Which I will access within 1-3 days, so *crossfingers*.

Yesterday JR and I also watch Fast and Furious 6 at SM North Edsa. While waiting in the queue to buy tickets we noticed that there are many Senior Citizens waiting in line and I'm daydreaming. Getting ahead of myself there! I'm thinking how nice it is to grow old and watch movie together. Fast and Furious is a action packed movie, full of hulking muscles and big men. JR keeps on flexing his muscle to my amusement. *pinch*

This year I'll be saving a lot since I spend a lot on myself.

Off to experience Samsung S4, hopefully I'll be able to download good applications.

On Being Off Air

My spare time is increasingly becoming rare. My blogging time is getting eaten up by work, work and work. I haven't even had time to post a single entry on this blog. As such, my list for this month is somewhat unfair. This month marks the beginning of Budget Preparation in our agency (I work in government in case you didn't know), and also I've been busy being a businesswoman. I've recently started a photobooth business with my boyfriend. It was doing okay since we started offering it to the public, so I decided to add another service which is Balloon Arrangement. However, my life doesn't always revolve around work. I also went out with JR on a date, though mostly it's a "run date" (we're always running whenever we went on a date). Which is okay for me since I am trying to lose a few more pounds.

On May 19, 2013, we both run the Pace UP 2013 held at University of the Philippines, Diliman for a fun run event. I registered for a 10k since I am not conditioned to run a 16k, whereas JR opt to run for a 16k with a friend. I'll post more about the Pace UP 2013 on my next entry. 

I will try to post more often simply because it's one of my tools to improve my writing and sentence constructing. 

It's More Fun in The Philippines Video

On My Own

I would like to share with you a song from Les Misarables - "On My Own" sung by Eponine.

Thewi Thai Massage Experience

Having a massage has always been on my list after all those holiday indulgences. Luckily, my cousin decides to treat us to a massage near Tutuban Mall - Thewi Thai Massage.

Thewi Thai Massage is a traditional massage that aims to alleviate the physical and emotional tension, its also improves circulation and stimulates lymphatic system. 

Thai massage mainly focused on muscoskeletal system (i.e. bones, joints, muscles, ligaments and connective tissues) and the way in which it interrelate with the body as a whole.

I've been treated to a one-hour full body massage and a sense of relaxation.