Have Courage and Be Kind

The quotes above can be found in the movie Cinderella which starred Lila James as Ella. The story plot line was like any other Cinderella's story that we have read since childhood. However, some people tends to misuse the quotes as a justification to their actions.

Is getting yourself involved with committed man kindness?

Is hurting two sets of family kindness?

Is leading the man to the dark path kindness?

Is teaching/encouraging him to cheat and lies kindness?

Is encroaching into our relationship and what we have built together kindness?

Is seducing him kindness?

Is hurting me kindness?

Surely you have the courage as you can do all of these things without consideration to the feelings of the people involved. You have the courage to latched yourself to a committed man. You have the courage to hurt the people that he is trying to protect with his lies. You have the courage to to post things about him because you have found nothing wrong with it. You have the courage to say YES to his advances. You have the courage to hurt ME who have done nothing wrong to you.

Have courage and be kind, even if others are not. Maybe you are the "others" that we are talking about.

Remember one of the moral lessons in the movie Cinderalla? 

YOU REAP WHAT YOU SOW

I have always believe in this. What you did will come back to you twofold, tenfold or even twentyfold.

Look in the mirror and look at yourself real close.

When You Are The Other Woman

Chances are you didn't wake up this morning and think: Yes, today is the day I'm going to meet a committed man—and I'm going to want to be with him. I'm even going to want him to leave his intended so that we can be together.

The thought never crossed her minds, but at the end of March last spring (whether or not she has broken up with her boyfriend), she was attracted to him.

Knowing he was committed didn't stop her from feeling the attraction, but she needed not concern herself. After all, she was a good Christian woman - she already know that what she is doing is a sin.

Proverbs 16:18 heeds, "Pride goes before destruction, and haughtiness before a fall." What she thought was strength or maturity in the face of attraction was, in fact, pride. What she thought was just a harmless attraction was actually bait on the line of temptation. Gradually, she was reeled further into the entanglement of sin. It was shockingly subtle and surprisingly innocent—a flirtatious comment here, or a lingering look there.

And it would be harder than she could have expected to get off the hook.

She knew what she was doing is wrong, but she felt drawn to this man. And when she so strongly feel something that she identify as a good feeling (such as lust that we interpret as love), it's easy to question if it could possibly be too good to be wrong.

She let her feelings guide her decisions and that was part of the problem. She felt affirmed. She felt noticed. She felt desired. And prior to being friendly with him, she was oblivious to how starved she was for those satisfactions (she choose to find it in the committed man rather that look to her boyfriend).

She was so caught up in other things—and complacent about the important things—that she wasn't aware of how depleted her heart was. On a daily and weekly basis, she was shirking her relationship with God (despite the fact that she keeps on attending churches and posting bible verses). Once this man provided what she didn't even know she was missing, that attention was hard to reject.

The emotional affair began before anything physical happened. Too often she gloss over the emotional affair, not believing that an emotional affair is a sin too. But this sin of her heart—and the idolization of this man as her source of affirmation—was no less sinful. (She keeps on posting pictures of him on her social media, anything that is related to his mannerism, his  personal things, the memories that only she will get to remember (as my Fiance was never sentimental about the things they did together and justification for her actions through Bible verses)

So began the war within. She felt conflicted in her heart, but her desire didn't want to walk away—She didn't want to walk away. And though she was never fully at peace with the idea of being in a relationship with a committed man, she justified it enough to get what she wanted out of it:

Validation.

Connection.

Affection.

Friendship.

She found it easy to justify her sinful relationship because although this man didn't have any particular grievances with his intended.

"She gives no though to the way of life; her paths are crooked, but she knows it not" Proverbs 5:6

A Secret to the Love that Lasts

My Fiance said to me, "Despite all the bullshit that I put you through you understands, sticks through all my mistakes, and smiles through the pains, even though I never deserve any of it, you were always there for me. You help me lead back to the light, to you. I will choose you over and over and will love you more for it."

Relationship is works. A lot of works. It is your choice if you choose not to make time for it. It is also your choice to nurture it or to neglect it. Distance may either break you or make you. In our case, we are stronger for it, despite the challenges, the pains and the price. My fiance always put all his effort to talk to me everyday and to do things that he thinks will make me go gooeey. Although, for a while he was lead down the dark path, he never forgets to call on me and to ask me for an updates. He always tell me to go to his parents and for his parents to invite me over for a simple lunch or for a family affair. It was a sign that I am truly the ONE for him. That he will always be there to take care of me and to love me.

A friend of his in Canada keeps in touch with me and give me materials to read that will be good for both Joseph and I. We learned a great deal of each other more. We communicate better and respect each other more. I have seen his vulnerability and he has seen my pain. He once said to me if I choose to break up with him, he will do everything to get me back. Although I have not taken the steps because I believe in second chances, we decided to work everything out.

The book was a nice read specially if you are in a long distance relationship. My Fiance who doesn't like reading much, I was surprised to find out that in this instances he was able to read this book and manage to share with me some of the passage that he finds that relate to us.

Our may not be the perfect relationship nor ideal. But we both work at it and stick together which is more than we can say for some.

On Being the Third Party

Giving love to someone is never a sin but there is exception. If you fall in love with someone who already committed, then you are having a sin. Many people love to be the other woman because they are blinded on the feeling they have. It is a dangerous feeling that can kill any home/relationship. Many other women are receiving a little time from committed men. Most of them are getting mad and jealous about this situation. If you are the other woman, you need to think about your future.

Family/Relationship is build with love and trust. No one wants to see any member of the family/relationship to get hurt. As the other woman, you never think about the people you will hurt. In this way, you are being selfish to other people and making your life miserable. If you think that, this committed man is the only one for you then you think it wrong. Learn to open your heart, mind and eyes to the people who surround you. Many single men can be a potential lover.

Before anything else, think about yourself. Are you contented to be on the 3rd or 4th priority? Do you love to receive little time from him? Do you love to hide going to other place, when your together?  Do you love to receive a call, anytime he wants? Do you love to think how he kiss and hug his girlfriend/fiance/wife? For sure, the answer is no. Think about the pain you will receive, if you continue your relationship.

If you are the girlfirend/fiance/wife and you know that your boyfriend/fiance/husband have other woman. Do you like it? Are you going to shut your mouth? Of course not. So, learn to stop it because you are hurting someone.

As a single woman, there are many opportunities waiting for you. Learn to look and give them a chance. It can help you to achieve your dreams and become a better person that you can be.

It is hard to leave this kind of situation but it is harder to continue. If you really love the committed man, help him to go back to his girlfriend/fiance/wife even if it hurts. Remember that they promise to be together until the rest of time. You need to think that you will be happier with someone who can share every moment of his life without stealing it to anyone.

Open Letter to Relationship Wrecker (Ladies You Know Who You Are)

Perhaps with I need to release all my excess anger, I think I had the right to that since it is my own feelings.

My Fiance and I are getting along delightful these past few weeks. What's with one thing and another and both of us have been busy doing this and that. All in all we were doing fabulous until I have the misfortune to receive another yet messages from the woman.

This woman has been bugging me for months now. And she is also according to my fiance bugging him too! We lost what little respect we had for her. 

Dear Relationship Wrecker,

Why don’t you respect yourselves enough to respect our relationship? We get it, you want a man of your own, and you crave love in your life. That’s fine. What isn’t fine, however, is that you seek this love in a man that’s already found it with someone else. If I can respect that you need love and have the right to pursue it with single men, why won’t you respect that I’ve found what you’re after and it means the world to me?  

It’s no secret that relationship is work especially with long distance. This means the woman who is devoted to the man who has already someone else whom you’re so eagerly enticing has been working very hard on the job and your actions could result in her losing all that she’s worked to obtain. What’s that? It takes two? Of course it does; and I say shame on you for leading a good man down the dark path.

You say you’re in search of “real love” and a “good man”, but what on earth makes you think that a man who would step out on his own family to play pretend with you is actually worth your time?  And exactly how do you expect to sleep at night once he’s “yours”? Self love is the key that opens the door to so many wonderful things in life.  Working over time to open a door that’s not for you to walk through will almost ensure that there’s no prize behind it, but rather unimaginable heartache and pain. Besides, you already had your man.. you just lose him because of the thing called TIME. You don't know how to take care of a relationship that you once had. What makes you think that you can take care of what's mine?

You say there’s a shortage of good men in this world. Is that so? Well, if that’s true, how is the solution to that possibly forever tainting one of the few who still remain? Seems like desperate and reckless behavior to me. Are those the kinds of values you want to build a relationship on? You shouldn’t.

I know a lot of you tell yourselves that if he chooses to be with you then he must have made “the better choice”, but I just don’t see it that way. I see a man who chose the easy route and a woman with values as poor as his own; a man who will most likely one day leave you too. (You’re fooling yourself if you think he won’t.) That’s no man I’d want to choose; so why do you?

Oh wait, is it because you “can love him better”? Or because you “do all the things she just won’t”, right? It may be time to ask yourself if all the “things” you do that he likes so much are those becoming of a real woman or lady?

You see him doing right by the woman he cherishes and you tell yourself those are the qualities that make up the kind of man you’ve always wanted to have for yourself. Yet, you don’t count disloyalty as a negative? Where’s the logic there?

Look, I want you to be happy too, I do. But I’m here to tell you that you won’t find any joy in ruining another woman’s relationship. Before you walk over to that committed man you’ve had your eye on for weeks (or months, or years) and say something you know you’ll regret, I beg you, think again.

Here are some thoughts I recommend you ponder in that moment: Why do you want to be his “friend” if he’s already committed, happily or not? Will you be able to live with yourself when you see another woman’s life fall apart because you selfishly tried to improve your own at her expense? Do you think you can build a happy home right on top of a broken one? Why don’t you love yourself enough to recognize that you deserve a healthy, happy, relationships untarnished by grief and guilt from day one? We hear often that we should treat others as we hope to be treated. This applies to how you meet your man ladies. Steal him once, and he’ll be stolen again. When that happens, you’ll want to write your own angry letter, I promise you.

Oh, and one last thing. For those of you who feel you have a “true connection” with a committed man and he feels the same for you – wait! If he’s the right man and he’s truly unhappy in his relationship, he’ll end things properly, on his terms, and without your interference. Then he’ll cool his heels until it’s once again the right time to pursue new love with you. That’s how it should go. Encouraging or asking him to choose your happiness over his family’s pain is foolish, and he’s an even bigger fool if he takes you up on it. Love is patient, love is kind…think it through!

P.S.

I believe you are older than me for about few years, then why the hell you had the same common sense as the boiled potatoes. I for one don't believe in the adage "Pag matalino ka bobo sa pag-ibig". Matalino akong tao napaka talino, pero never akong bobo sa pag-ibig. I don't know if I can give you the forgiveness or the peace. One day, karma will get back to you. Until then..